tv_channel_simulator/series/Mister Ed/Mister Ed S01E01 The First Meeting.autogenerated.txt

Well, hello, Mrs. Post.
Hi, Mr. Reeves.
Mr. Post.
Oh, darling, isn't it beautiful?
Isn't that great?
And it's all ours.
Yes, yours and mine and a man from the bank.
Oh, Mr. Post, I know you went a little higher than you figured.
I couldn't help it.
As soon as I saw this place, I fell in love with it.
Well, you're an architect.
You know good, solid construction when you see it.
I certainly do.
Don't I, dear?
Thank you, honey.
Mr. Addison, your next-door neighbor who used to own it, has always kept it in fine shape.
I'm sure he has. Thanks very much, Mr. Reeves, for everything.
Well, thank you. I know you two are going to be very happy here.
Thank you. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Well, shall we go in?
Wilbur, it's our first house.
Aren't you going to carry me over the threshold?
Oh, yes, sure.
Good, solid construction.
Oh, I've got to get the key.
Wilbur, don't put me down. It's bad luck.
Oh.
You better get the key, then. It's in one of my pockets.
Down there.
Wait a minute. I forgot to get it for Mr. Reeves.
Mr. Reeves!
How do you do?
I'm Roger Addison. I live next door.
Oh, I'm just carrying my wife across the threshold.
Well, aren't you going in the wrong direction?
Yes, I am.
Oh, Mr. Reeves!
Would you mind? I won't be long.
Mr. Reeves!
How do you do? I'm Carol Post.
How do you do?
Well, now that we've met, perhaps I'd better put you down.
Oh, no, no, no. You see, it's bad luck.
I got it, honey.
Oh, this way, Mr. Addison.
There we are.
Oh, here.
Oh, how do you do? I'm Wilbur Post.
How do you do?
Won't you come on in?
Not right now. I have the feeling that I might be intruding.
Come on, honey. Let's go look at the rest of our estate.
All 200 feet of it?
Isn't this wonderful? I've never lived in the country before.
Oh, you'll love it.
I lived in a place like this when I was a kid.
Ah-ha! Now there's something you learn on a farm.
A rake lying on the ground. That is dangerous.
Oh, well, sure, if you stepped on it and you bare feet...
No, no, no, no, no. Not bare feet. Not just that.
Well, if you were to step on that, I could come right up and smack you in the face.
Oh, you mean it's dangerous just to do this?
That is dangerous.
Come on, honey. Come on.
I'm sorry.
Well, that's what I was telling you about, honey.
This could be converted into an office for me.
I figured I'd put Skylight up there.
And right next to my drafting table, we could build cabinets.
Carol, look.
A horse. But he wasn't here when we first looked at the place.
Well, maybe he was outside.
How about that? A horse.
Oh, let's get out of here. Get him out of here and do something.
Well, you two certainly are the most affectionate couple I've ever seen.
He tried to bite me.
I suppose that's all right. You're married.
She means the horse.
Him? He doesn't bite. He's just a mangy old nag.
As a matter of fact, that's what I came to tell you about.
You see, the people who rented this house before you bought it owned this horse.
Well, they had to leave in a hurry, and they said you can keep him, you can sell him,
do anything you want with him.
We'll keep him.
Wilbur, of course not. We'll sell him.
No, we'll keep him.
Sell him.
Keep him.
Sell him.
Keep him.
Sell him.
I'm glad to hear you two arguing.
For a moment I was wondering if you were a normal married couple.
Wilbur, come here, honey.
We've gone to a lot of expense to buy this house, and we just can't afford to feed the animal.
Well, okay, I guess you're...
Oh, you see, I'm right. I'll find a horse dealer in the phone book.
Look, I'm sorry, old fellow. I wanted to keep you, but...
Hey, I'm sorry.
I wanted to keep you, but... Hey, do you have any water?
You know, I should never have started cleaning you up.
The better you get to look, the more I want to keep you.
That's that. Let's get started with the feet now, huh?
It's just hot in here.
Should open a window.
Mr. Parker, this is my husband, Mr. Parker.
He's a good man.
He's a good man.
He's a good man.
He's a good man.
Mr. Parker, this is my husband, Wilbur, and that's the horse.
Why didn't you let him guess?
I didn't, Mr. Post.
I think I can take him off your hands for $50.
Honey, you're making a big mistake. This is a very intelligent horse.
We've been all through that, dear. We'll take the $50.
All right.
There you are. Give it to her.
There you are, ma'am. $50. And I think we both made a good deal.
This horse looks to be in pretty good shape.
Goodness, this horse is lame.
Lame?
Lame, huh?
A horse wouldn't be much use to you like that.
A horse that, uh, there's nothing out of place.
Probably just a barn cramp.
Oh, barn cramp, huh?
And of course, if this horse were in real pain, he wouldn't be holding his head so high.
The minute a horse is distressed or off his feet,
first thing you notice, that head goes right down.
Oh, boy, that animal is ailing.
Well, he can't take advantage of the man, honey. Give him his money back.
Oh, honey.
Of course, he can't be, uh, real sick.
If a horse can stand, he's worth $50.
Hmm.
I'll be.
Give me back my $50.
Horse trading is a thieving, conniving, double-crossing business at best.
But this beats all.
Oh, just a minute.
10, 20, 30, 40, 45.
Yeah, it's all here.
Wilbur, what are we going to do now?
Well, honey, if the man doesn't want the horse...
But, honey, how can we take care of him?
Look at him. He's sick.
Maybe the SPCA can help us. I'll go call them.
Hmm.
Harold. Harold.
Can you come over right away?
I'm afraid he's a very sick horse. He's on his back.
Hello. Look, you can forget about it.
The horse is perfectly all right.
Thank you.
Wilbur, what do you mean the horse is all right?
Do you know that horse was only kidding?
Well, he was only pretending to be sick so he could stay with us.
Wilbur, I know you want to keep the horse, but this is ridiculous.
But it's true.
Why do you think I winked back at him?
You winked back at him?
Yeah, well, he winked at me first.
Look, there is nothing wrong with that horse. Look.
All right, Wilbur. All right. You can keep the horse if it means that much to you.
But start making up these fantastic stories.
I love you.
Well, prove it.
Come in.
Aren't you people overdoing this a bit?
She's letting me keep the horse.
Now, what I came over to tell you is this.
That I'm having some neighbors over tomorrow night and I'd like to have you come over and meet them.
Oh, thank you.
We'd be delighted.
If I were you, I'd keep my door closed.
Well, you're going to stay after all. Isn't that great?
Oh, I never thought owning a horse could mean so much to me.
I guess it's because when I was a little boy, I wanted a pony.
Of course, I'm not going to be a pony.
Of course, it's been a long time since I was a little boy.
It's been a long time since I was a pony.
You like that, huh?
Oh, no. That's impossible.
Did you say that?
No. How could you?
Did you say it?
No, I didn't hear it.
How could I?
But I did.
But I did.
Oh, this is impossible. I don't believe it.
Now, while I'm looking right at you, say something.
Like what?
Anything. Anything.
Cow, now. Brown cow.
Cow, cow, cow, cow.
What is it, honey?
Cow, the horse.
Down here, dear.
Cow, the horse.
Horse.
Better sit down, dear.
The horse.
Uh-huh.
He talks.
Grover, I told you you can keep the horse.
Now, I'm going to keep the horse.
I'm going to keep the horse.
I'm going to keep the horse.
I'm going to keep the horse.
Grover, I told you you can keep the horse.
Now, I...
Look, look, I know it sounds fantastic, unbelievable, but it's true.
The horse talks.
I didn't believe it myself at first,
and then I made him say something while I was looking right at him.
What did he say?
How now, brown cow.
The rake. The bump in the head.
Yeah, the rake.
The rake, that's what it was.
How do you feel?
Fine.
Carol.
Carol.
Carol.
Sit down.
Carol, that horse talks.
You've got to go to bed, and I'm going to call the doctor,
and everything will be all right, honey.
Come on with me.
You're going to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.
Wilbur.
Wilbur.
Wilbur.
Wilbur, I'm worried about you.
I'll prove it to you.
You'll see.
All right, say something.
Well, don't just stand there.
Say something.
I know why you won't talk.
You've turned your back on him.
That horse is sensitive.
Carol, will you please turn around?
This whole thing is ridiculous.
Will you please turn around?
All right.
I told you he was sensitive.
I wouldn't believe that horse could talk
if the two of you stood there and sang a duet.
Carol.
Why didn't you talk to my wife?
I hate skeptics.
You make me look like such a fool.
You've got to talk to my wife.
Why did you talk to me?
Because I like you.
This whole thing is fantastic.
I just don't understand it.
Don't try to.
It's bigger than both of us.
I'm going to kill you.
Hello, Mr. Addison.
Oh, hello, Post.
I didn't recognize you without your wife in your arms.
Come in.
Mr. Addison, I'd like to ask you something.
Why, certainly, Post, certainly.
Anything at all.
Oh, a cigar?
No, I haven't got one with me.
No, no, no, Post.
I'm offering you a cigar.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I'm sorry my wife won't be back from New York
in time for the party tomorrow night.
I did want you and your wife to meet her.
Oh, fine.
We'll enjoy seeing her.
Post, I know we're both in the same room,
but I don't think we're in the same world.
Is there something on your mind?
Yes, Mr. Addison, there is.
Well, sit down and tell me about it.
Thank you.
Ah, Mr. Addison,
the man who lived in the house before we did,
um, he rented from you.
Mr. Oldfield.
Yeah.
Did you know him very well?
Oh, yes, indeed. We were very close friends.
Did you ever exchange confidences with him?
Yeah, quite often.
Did he ever tell you about his horse?
No, what about his horse?
Did he ever tell you his horse talked?
Oh, no, Oldfield said a lot of funny things.
Would you repeat that, please?
He didn't say anything about his horse talking.
No.
Did the horse ever say anything?
No.
No.
Did the horse ever talk to you?
He's been talking to me all afternoon.
I just realized, Mr. Addison,
I'm a little tired.
I think perhaps a little rest would do me good.
It might not be a bad idea for you to get some rest, too.
I played 18 holes of golf today,
and that's a little too much for me.
Normally, I only play nine.
I'm a little fatigued.
Mr. Addison, the reason I came over here
is I need your help.
You see, I've got a problem with my wife.
I can't convince her that the horse talks.
I would say that your wife had the problem.
I'm so frustrated.
Is it my neighbor, my wife, my own wife?
I tell them I got a horse that talks,
and they don't believe me.
Why should they?
It's ridiculous.
But you do talk.
Only to you.
Why only to me?
Because you're the only one I ever liked well enough
to talk to a girl.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about my wife.
You're the only one I ever liked well enough
to talk to a girl.
Oh, thanks.
Ed.
Ed?
What kind of a name is Ed for a horse?
What kind of a name is Wilbur for a man?
Now, stop gabbing and get me some oats.
I'm starved.
Oh, that's right.
You do need some oats, yeah.
Oh, um, where shall I get them?
Go to Duffy's Feed and Grain store.
Wilbur.
Yes?
They give green stamps.
Oh, honey, let me give you a hand with that.
It's all right.
There we are.
Well, honey, what's wrong?
I had an awful time at the market today.
What happened?
Everybody was talking about the new couple that moved in,
the Posts.
They said that the husband thinks he has a horse that talks.
What did you say?
I said my name was Mrs. Jones.
Oh, honey.
Oh, look, dear, don't worry about it.
These things have a way of clearing themselves up.
I don't know.
Hello, Post.
This is Mr. Addison.
I'm sorry, but the party for tonight is canceled.
Goodbye.
That was Mr. Addison.
The party's been called off.
I knew it.
I just knew it.
Look, Carol.
Carol.
Don't call me Carol.
My name is Mrs. Jones.
I've got to prove it.
This horse took the tape recorder.
That'll do it.
Hi, Wilbur.
Hiya.
What you doing?
Oh, just thought I'd drop in, say hello.
That's nice.
You know, I'm very flattered that I'm the only human being
that you picked on to talk to, old horse.
I'm a little spoiled.
Can I get you some oats or anything, old horse?
Nope, I'm fine.
Can I open the window for you, Mr. Ed?
Nope, leave it closed.
Well, good night, horse.
Good night.
Hey, Wilbur.
What?
Nice gadget you got there.
Oh, yes, yes, it is.
Tape recorder, huh?
Oh, well, yeah, you might call it that, I guess.
Goodbye.
Hey, Wilbur.
What?
How you gonna convince anyone the other voice on that tape is a horse?
Huh?
Oh, oh, this is great.
All because you had to pick on me to talk to.
Millions of people in the whole world, you could...
And you got to pick on me.
Now, everybody thinks I flipped my lid, Carol's heart broken.
All because you pick on me to talk to.
Wilbur, I can get you out of this.
Out?
Phone that real estate man, Reeves.
Reeves?
You tell him what I'm going to tell you.
If I know Reeves, he'll run right to Addison.
Well, then what?
Then your troubles will be over.
Now, listen, Wilbur.
What do you mean Post doesn't want the house?
He bought it, didn't he?
Sure, but he wants to make you give him back the money without asking for it.
That's ridiculous. The man's out of his mind.
That's exactly what he wants you to believe.
That's why he told me the horse talks.
Right. Don't you understand?
That's the oldest trick in the real estate game.
He wants to make us think he's got a screw loose up here.
That way you'll try to get him out of the neighborhood.
I see. Well, he'll never get away with it.
Mr. Addison, you tried to settle this house for a long time.
There were no takers at your price.
You leave it to me, Reeves.
I know how to handle Post.
Carol, will you come downstairs?
No.
Honey, I'll make your lunch.
I'm not hungry.
Honey, there's nothing to worry about.
Mr. Addison just told me how to straighten out this whole mess.
Oh.
Maybe you'd better stay upstairs.
Oh, hello, Mr. Addison.
Hello, Wilbur.
I want you to come on in. Sit down.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
What a pleasant surprise.
My horse just told me a very funny story.
Funniest one I've heard in years.
I'm still laughing about it.
Let me hear it.
Well, these two fellows are at a bar, you see.
And one of them says, give me four martinis.
I know that joke.
You do?
Yeah, my dog told it to me.
Your dog?
Well, your horse told it to my cat,
my cat told it to my dog,
and my dog told it to me.
I like the way things get around.
Wilbur.
Huh?
If I cut $2,000 off the price of the house,
will that make you stay?
Two?
Is it a deal?
It's a deal.
Now, Wilbur, does your horse talk?
No.
Does your dog talk?
No.
Your cat?
Mm-mm.
You know, for a minute, I was a little worried about you.
We're not worried about you.
Oh, and by the way, the party is not canceled.
I'm expecting you and your wife.
Oh, just a minute.
Carol? Carol?
I don't want any lunch.
Honey, Mr. Addison's here.
He's inviting us to the party tonight.
Really?
Wonderful!
Look, not only that, he likes us so much,
he's knocked $2,000 off the price of the house.
Thank you, Mr. Addison.
Oh, Wilbur.
Honey.
Dad.
Dad, you asleep?
Not anymore.
Well, everything worked out fine.
We went to the party, the ladies invited Carol out to lunch.
Wilbur.
Yeah?
Good night.
Well, I haven't finished telling you about Carol.
Good night, Wilbur.
Good night.
People.
Talk, talk, talk.
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