tv_channel_simulator/series/Mister Ed/Mister Ed S01E17 A Man for Velma.autogenerated.txt

Hello, I'm Mr. Red.
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course,
that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Red.
Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse.
He's always on a steady course, talk to Mr. Red.
Carol, where are you?
In the kitchen.
You shouldn't be working with that sprained wrist.
I want to get dinner ready for Wilbur.
Well let me help.
Oh, thanks, Kay.
Hand me the chicken, will you?
It's in the refrigerator.
One chicken coming up.
Oh, no, I...
Oh, poor doll, he doesn't have a thing to wear.
Just put it in the pot and light the stove.
Oh, no, the little fellow's gone through so much already.
Sweetie, why don't you let me prepare dinner for all of us tonight?
You know, salad, steak, mushrooms, apple pie.
Thanks, Kay.
But I know you hate to cook.
You're so right.
We'll eat out, I'll call Addison.
Okay, really.
Wilbur's on the phone.
Thank you.
I'll have your address, yes.
And Velma, it'll just be for the one week, eh?
There won't be much housekeeping to speak of.
Most of your work is gonna be done in the kitchen.
Cooking.
All right, I'll pick you right up.
Thank you, goodbye.
Well, Ed?
Gisoon, hi.
Carol's gonna be surprised when she finds out I've hired a cook to help her.
That's the trouble with us Americans, we spoil our women.
Oh, come on, Carol's a great cook, you know that.
It's just that she sprained her wrist.
Sure, how did she sprain it?
The can opener slipped.
Gisoon, hi, again.
Velma Pinkney, she sounds very efficient.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
You know, I think I'm allergic to your hay.
What are you complaining about?
I have to eat this stuff.
Wilbur, did you call that cook I recommended?
Just going now to pick her up.
Good.
I hope you didn't tell Kay about my surprise, because she is sure to tell Carol.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I learned my lesson 20 years ago when I told Kay a secret.
What secret?
That I was single.
I should have known.
Look, we want you and Kay to be our guests tonight for dinner.
I mean, the way you talk about this Velma, she must be a wonderful cook.
Oh, she is, great.
But that's the story of my life.
The only time I ever get a good home-cooked meal is when I go to somebody else's...
Go to somebody else's house.
Married men.
Boy, am I glad I'm a bachelor.
This is it, Velma.
I'll tell Mrs. Post you're here.
You'll be surprised.
Honey?
Carol?
Hi, dear.
Surprise for you, honey.
Say hello to Velma, our new cook.
She's going to be with us for a week.
Oh, thank you, darling.
Hello, Velma.
Hello, Mrs. Post.
You happy?
Oh, darling, you're the most wonderful husband in the world.
One thing about my wife, Velma, she always tells the truth.
Oh, hang on to it, Mrs. Post.
A good man is hard to find.
Any man is hard to find.
At my age, even a bad man is hard to find.
Well, there'll be four for dinner tonight, Velma.
I invited Roger and Kay over.
Well, I know you'll be happy here.
Be in my office, dear.
Okay, dear.
I'll show you to your room.
Oh, what a nice man.
Mrs. Post, have you got a butler working for you?
No.
A chauffeur?
No.
Well, on my day off, it looks like solitaire again.
Oh, by the way, do you have your milk delivered?
Yes.
Is the milk man married?
He has kids.
You don't have to rub it in.
Color feast.
Velma, this dinner is delicious.
Oh, thank you.
Marvelous.
Oh, it's perfect.
I'd never do anything like it.
This wasn't a dinner.
This was a banquet.
Oh, this meal is so beautiful.
I could wear it.
That soup is a collector's item.
Oh, honey, thanks again for Velma.
She's the nicest present you've ever given me.
She were a little smaller, I would have had her gift wrapped.
Wilbur, can I open a charge account here?
Oh, no, darling.
We mustn't take advantage.
We should meet here over four or five times a week.
Thank Alaska.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful.
Velma, your hand should be immortalized at Grauman's Chinese.
Oh, Mr. Fose, thank you.
The good ones are always married.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, Velma's such a jewel.
I wonder why the Johnsons let her go.
She quit.
I understand she was engaged to the butler Henry and they broke up.
Oh, that's too bad.
She's such a nice woman.
I hope she finds somebody.
If you wouldn't mind, my dear, I'd marry her myself.
She'd cook for us.
I'd let you.
Sure going to hate to lose her at the end of the week.
Well, if it'll make you feel any better, honey, I'll sprain the other wrist.
Please?
Oh, boy, pizza.
It's for your horse, Mr. Post, a carrot pizza.
For your horse?
Yeah, he loves Italian food.
He's got sugar cubes, I have to feed him breadsticks.
Oh, you like Velma's pizza, huh?
When I worked at the Johnsons, so did my boyfriend Henry.
He ate like a horse, too.
He should only choke.
Do you know I fed that man like a king for four years?
And what happened?
I got the brush.
Man, who needs him?
I do.
Henry's loss is my gain.
Man, this pizza is molto bene.
Santa Lucia.
Santa Lucia.
This is your last homemade pizza, Ed.
Carol's wrist is better and Velma's leaving tonight.
Not so loud.
I don't want my stomach to know it's back to hay again.
You know, she sure fattened you up.
Wow.
Another week, you'll have to get a girdle for you.
Don't let her go, Wilbur.
My friends say I never look better.
I'm going to try to talk her into staying last night, but she wants a job where she
can meet men.
All right, throw a USO dance for her.
I might just do that.
Last piece.
There's only one thing that would make her change her mind, if she met a man.
And that's one thing you can't buy at the supermarket.
How about the postman, Mr. Hodges?
Married.
The plumber?
Married.
Do you think she'd wait for the newsboy to grow up?
I'm ready to leave, Mr. Post.
Will you drive me to the bus station?
Sure.
Now, Velma, if you weren't leaving, what would you be cooking for dinner tomorrow?
I was going to start with little individual cheese souffles.
Cheese souffles.
Cheese souffles.
Artichoke hearts with sour cream dressing.
Sour cream dressing.
Sour cream dressing.
Then?
My main course would be a tornado of beef with Bearnaise sauce.
Bearnaise sauce.
Bearnaise sauce.
And for dessert?
Cherries Jubilee.
Cherries Jubilee.
What are we having for dinner tomorrow?
I'm not sure.
The label washed off the can.
Goodbye, Mrs. Post.
It was so nice working for you.
Well, if you ever change your mind...
Excuse me.
Hello?
Yes, she's here.
Velma, it's for you.
A man.
A man?
Hello?
Yes, this is Velma.
Who's this?
Walter.
Walter who?
Just call me Walter.
Until we know each other better.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
Walter.
That's even better.
Who are you?
Just a secret admirer.
What do you want?
I've watched you from a distance and I adore you.
I don't speak to strange men.
Are you married?
I've never trotted down that middle aisle.
He sounds like a Harvard man.
What do you have in mind?
I'll call you tomorrow.
Will you be there?
Of course I'll be here tomorrow. I'll be here all week.
I work for the Post.
Yes?
Cherries.
Chupuli.
Cheese souffle.
Hello, Ed.
Hello, Wilbur.
Isn't it wonderful about Velma finding a boyfriend and staying?
Yeah.
Just a minute.
Uh, here's the menu I wrote out for my dinner tonight.
Dinner?
Oat cocktail.
Home fried carrots.
Baked apple with alfalfa sauce.
No.
And lobster thermidor.
Lobster thermidor?
That's in case you want to eat with me.
Oh, you're very thoughtful.
Just give Velma the menu and leave her a good tip.
Well, later, Ed. I got work to do.
All right.
Lobster thermid...
Lobster thermidor.
Wilbur!
Velma is leaving!
What, again?
But what happened? She said she'd stay.
Remember that phone call she got from that fellow Walter last night?
Well, he didn't call back, so she's packing.
Maybe I better have a talk with her.
I don't think it'll do any good. She's made up her mind.
Well, I guess Walter has to turn on the old charm again.
Velma?
Yes, Mr. Post?
Velma, can't we sit down and talk this over?
Mr. Post, the only reason I stayed, I was expecting a call from that fellow, Walter.
But there are other men.
Yeah, and I'm going looking for them.
Maybe I could break our TV set and ask for a bachelor repairman.
With my luck, he'd be 90 years old.
No, I'm ready to go now, Mr. Post.
Oh, goodbye, Mrs. Post. I enjoyed working for you.
Well, good luck, Velma.
Oh, wait just a minute, please.
Hello?
Yes, she's here.
Velma, it's for you.
A man.
Hello?
It's me, my love, Will.
What happened? I was waiting for your call.
I, uh, I just lost my nerve.
Oh, you're shy.
Oh, we're perfect for each other.
I'm shy, too.
Cherished jubilee?
Well, goodbye, my love. I'll call you tomorrow.
Tomorrow? If you don't meet me tonight, I won't be here.
Uh, then it's tonight. I'll meet you outside the patio after dinner.
Good.
Oh, I, I hope you're as handsome as you sound.
I am, but it all depends on your point of view.
Au revoir, chérie.
Almost eight o'clock.
I hope that Walter shows up.
The girls have been up there working on Velma for an hour now.
I certainly hope they've prettied her up a little.
Velma deserves happiness. You know, she has so much to offer a man.
Friendship, warmth, loyalty.
Stroganoff, lasagna, shish kebab.
If she leaves, I'll kill myself.
Well, she'll be right down.
How does she look?
Anxious.
I can't even get a hold of you if we're going to make that movie.
Yeah. Roger, would you mind looking in on Ed?
Make sure that barn window's closed.
Oh, sure, sure.
Here she comes.
Velma, you look beautiful.
Oh, Mr. Potter.
Beautiful? She's positively enchanting.
Won't you be late for the movie?
Oh, yes, yes. Come on, honey, let's go.
Have a nice time, Velma.
Have a good time.
Good night, Val.
Thank you. Good night.
Velma, have fun.
Have a good evening, Velma.
Is that you, Walter?
It's me. You look beautiful, Velma.
Why don't you come over here where I can see you?
I told you, I'm shy.
Don't be like that.
We're all alone.
Don't come any closer, Velma.
Oh, why, Walter?
You don't have to be that shy.
Hello, Velma.
You...
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
For doing this?
Does your wife know?
Of course, I just told her.
Well, I'm not that broad-minded.
What's the matter with that woman?
What's she talking about, broad...
What's the matter with me talking to a horse?
He had to show up.
Now I'm back to hay again.
Velma!
Is Romeo here?
Who?
Your husband, our boyfriend.
What are you talking about?
When he complimented me and kissed my hand,
I thought he was only after my cooking.
Addison?
I'll be your witness in court.
Oh, now, just a minute.
There must be a mistake.
Ask your husband what happened in the backyard.
What did happen?
Let Walter tell you.
Walter?
That's your husband.
Now, Velma, I'm sure you must be mistaken.
I don't want to hurt your feelings,
but I just can't imagine my husband leaving me for...
For me?
Mrs. Addison, I may not be as pretty as you,
but when it comes to cooking,
you can't hold a pot to me.
Oh, now, darling, really?
Just because I'm not a good cook
and my husband happens to enjoy your cheese soufflés,
your baked Alaska and your wonderful gravies,
and what did happen in the backyard?
Let him tell you.
Dear, it's getting late.
Should we turn in?
Hey!
Are you crazy?
Here, have some juice, dear.
Thank you.
I can't understand why Velma hasn't been down to fix breakfast.
She must have overslept.
Her boyfriend probably kept her out late.
Oh, not again.
Mr. Post, I'm leaving.
But, Velma, you promised to stay.
Velma.
What happened?
Didn't Walter show up last night?
Yes, Mr. Addison did.
Addison?
You might as well know your neighbor is a chaser.
Oh, Velma, really?
Underneath that mustache, you'll find a blue beard.
Velma, I think you're imagining all this.
Why, Mr. Addison is very devoted to his wife.
Why, he wouldn't think of looking at another woman.
Mrs. Addison believed me last night.
Kay would never believe a story like that.
I wouldn't say that.
Velma?
Please, haven't you done enough?
Roger, what's going on here?
She told Kay the most fantastic story.
How, how, how, how I...
Why don't you take your crummy pizzas and go?
Oh, now, Roger, just a minute.
Her pizzas are not crummy.
I'm going home to mother.
Oh, now, Kay, dear.
I hope that you and Velma and her soufflés, the three of you, will be very happy.
Kay, please.
Now, just a minute, Kay.
I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for this.
Tell her, Roger.
Of course, I'm Walter.
I've been Walter for 20 years.
I am also Bluebeard.
I'm, I'm, I'm Jack the Ripper.
I'm, I'm...
Hello?
Yes, she's here.
Velma, it's for you.
A man.
Hello?
It's me, Walter.
Walter?
What happened last night?
See?
It couldn't have been Roger.
I never doubted you for a minute, doll.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
I don't know who she was talking to last night.
There was just me and the horse.
What did you say, Walter?
I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly last night, Velma.
Yes, well, I'll try to understand.
I don't think I'm...
No, for you.
Oh, Walter.
Well, I'm kind of a drifter.
You need a man with a steady job.
A fine girl like you needs a real man.
Oh, Walter.
My trouble is, I'm not a real man.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
I'm a real man.
My trouble is...
Yes?
Uh-oh.
Hello?
What?
Hello?
Oh, he hung up.
Oh, now I'm all mixed up.
Velma, now sit down.
Don't you worry.
Now just calm down.
Excuse me a minute, dear.
How do you do?
I'm Henry Gibson.
I work for the Johnsons.
Is Miss Velma in?
Yes.
Velma, come in, please.
Well, this is the worst trick you have ever pulled.
But Wilbur, I...
Do you know you broke that woman's heart?
But Wilbur...
And look what you did to the Addisons.
But Wilbur...
All because of your big appetite.
But Wilbur...
All right, go ahead.
It's your turn.
If only Perry Mason were here to defend me.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Wilbur!
Wilbur!
Guess what?
Velma is engaged.
To Roger?
Stop.
Henry, the Johnsons butler that she was going with,
just showed up and proposed.
Well, that's wonderful.
Come on, she wants you to meet him.
Yeah, well, I'll be there in a minute, honey.
This is lucky for you.
But Wilbur...
I was going to send you to bed tonight without any supper.
But Wilbur, who do you think called the Johnsons
and got Henry Gibson over here to propose?
You.
How did you do it?
I told him somebody was running off with his girl
and if he liked her cooking, he'd better hurry right over.
But Ed, why didn't you tell me?
Because you bawled me out.
But Ed...
Besides, who can get a word in with you around?
But Ed...
You're always jumping to conclusions.
But Ed...
But Ed, but Ed, is that all you can say?
But Ed...
Ed...
May I propose a toast to Kay's first home-cooked meal?
Thank you very much.
Congratulations, Kay.
I hope it's all right.
Well, so much for experimentation.
Well, it's not really bad.
Once you get it down.
My dear, no offense, but would you mind if we celebrated
your first home-cooked dinner at Pierre's restaurant?
Why, doll, I've already made the reservations.
They're off to a fancy restaurant and I'm back to barn-cooked meals.
Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse.
He's always on a steady course, talk to Mr. Ed.
He will yakety-yak the streak and waste your time a day.
But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say.
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and this one will talk to his voice's horse.
You never heard of a talking horse?
Well, listen to this.
I am Mr. Ed.
This has been a Filmways television presentation.